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Thursday, February 5, 2015

I Got A Wife

Lyrics:

Hey, I got a wife at home
I got a wife at home
I got a wife she's the apple of my life
But I wish she would leave me alone

When I hear
Hang your clothes up
Wipe your feet off
Goodness sake don't slam the door
Fix the socket, dry the dishes
Can't you do a single chore?
Hang the picture
Set the table
Don't drop ashes on the floor
Heat the bottle
Change the baby
You don't love me anymore

He don't love her anymore
There he goes right out the door
He'll be back 'bout half past ten
And then she'll start right in again

Tack the shade up
Wash the windows
Wipe the handprints off the door
Change the light bulbs
Scrub the bathtub
Pick the toys up from the floor
Tape the lamp cord
Make some coffee
Burn the garbage
Oil the door
Get the kids
And call my mother
You don't love me anymore

I got a wife at home
I got a wife at home
I got a wife she's the apple of my life
But I wish she would leave me alone

When I hear

(Hang your clothes up
Wipe your feet off
Goodness sake don't slam the door)

OK OK I'll do it

(Can't you do a single chore?
Hang the picture
Set the table
Don't drop ashes on the floor)

Yeah OK

(Heat the bottle
Change the baby
You don't love me anymore
Tack the shade up
Wash the windows)

Honey, honey

(Wipe the handprints off the door
Change the light bulbs
Scrub the bathtub
Pick the toys up from the floor)

Please, honey

(Tape the lamp cord
Make some coffee)

Yeah I'll do it

(Oil the door)

QUIET!

He don't love her anymore
There he goes right out the door
He'll be back 'bout half past ten
And then she'll start right in again

SHEE!

Video:



Source: youtube.com

The Auctioneer Song

Lyrics:

There was a boy in Arkansas
Who wouldn't listen to his ma
When she told him that he should go to school
He'd sneak away in the afternoon
Take a little walk and pretty soon
You'd find him at the local auction barn

Well, he'd stand and listen carefully
Then pretty soon he began to see
How the auctioneer could talk so rapidly
His pappy'd find him behind the barn
Just a workin up an awful storm
As he tried to immitate the auctioneer

25 Dollar 30 now 30 dollar etc
Who will bid it at a 35 dollar bid
30 Dollar 35 etc
Who will bid it at a 35 dollar bid

Said his pappy, "son we just can't stand a havin'
A mediocre man
You gotta take that auction usin' our good name
I'll send you off to auction school
And then you'll be nobody's fool
You'll be the best of all the auctioneers

35 Dollar 40 dollar etc
Who will bid it a a 45 dollar bid
40 Dollar etc
Who will bid it at a 45 dollar bid

Well from that morning he went to school
There grew a man who played it cool
He came back home a full fledged auctioneer
And people came from miles around
Just to hear him make that rhythmic sound
Cause he's the best of all the auctioneers
Well his fame reached out from shore to shore
He had all he could do and more
He had to buy a plane to get around
Now he's the best in all the land
So let's all give that man a hand
He's the best of all the auctioneers

45 Dollar 50 now etc
Who will bid it at a 55 dollar bid
50 Dollar 50 now will you give me 55 etc
Sold that horse for a 50 dollar bill


Video:



Source: youtube.com